i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
