She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
