I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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