I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
