I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
