I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
