You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
