if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you never un-have a 4some
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
