Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
