You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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