it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize