I wish I only lived at night.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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