she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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