If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
