I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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