I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
