be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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