so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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