So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
