I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
3 2 1 whiskey
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
