Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
