God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
