Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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