Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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