His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
