Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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