How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my sisters under your porch take her home
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
