I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
