you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
only you would photoshop your dick
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
