We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize