Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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