I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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