Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
