feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
