He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize