You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize