Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
