I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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