GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its liver damage thursday
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
