well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
