if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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