2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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