He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
