Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
