Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
