Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
