R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
