If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
