I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
