we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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