I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
