I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize