I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
