How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize