Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
