So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
