trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize