nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
