Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
