Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
