are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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