discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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