I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
