Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
