Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hippo gnu deer
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize