I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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