I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
