but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
