I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
