Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize