Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
