Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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