I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
