Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
